Parenting a Child with ADHD: "Neurological not Naughty"
- Jessica Bomben
- Oct 3
- 2 min read
Parenting a child with ADHD can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially when their behaviour is misunderstood as “lazy,” “defiant,” or “naughty.” In reality, ADHD is not about bad behaviour — it is a neurological difference of executive function capabilities.
When we begin to see ADHD through the lens of brain functioning rather than willpower, it changes the way we respond as parents. Instead of punishment, children need understanding, structure, and support in building new skills.
ADHD and the Brain
ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) affects areas of the brain responsible for self-regulation, attention, and executive function. This means children with ADHD often:
Struggle to stay on task
Have difficulty organizing or remembering steps
Act before thinking things through
Experience big emotions that feel hard to control
These challenges are a result of executive function deficits, not intentional misbehaviour. Your child isn’t choosing to “be difficult” — their brain is wired to need extra support.
What Are Executive Functions?
Executive functions are the brain’s management system — the set of skills that help us plan, stay focused, remember details, control impulses, and manage time.
Think of executive functions as the “air traffic control system” in the brain: they help children land their thoughts, actions, and emotions in the right order and at the right time.
For kids with ADHD, this system develops more slowly, which explains why tasks like homework, morning routines, or emotional control can feel so overwhelming.
Flexible Thinking
Working Memory
Self-Awareness
Planning and Prioritizing
Task Initiation
Organization
Impulse Control
Emotional Regulation
Shifting the Mindset: From Punishment to Coaching
When we view ADHD behaviours as “bad,” it’s easy to slip into cycles of frustration and discipline. But when we recognize that these behaviours are skills still under construction, our role as parents becomes that of a coach instead of a judge.
Practical ways to support your child include:
Breaking tasks into smaller steps rather than giving long instructions.
Using visuals or checklists to support memory.
Building routines and structure to reduce overwhelm.
Practicing emotional regulation through calming strategies like deep breathing or movement breaks.
Celebrating small wins to boost confidence and motivation.
The Takeaway
Children with ADHD are not being naughty — they are navigating the world with a brain that processes information differently. By understanding ADHD as a neurological difference and focusing on building executive function skills, parents can shift from frustration to empowerment.
With patience, structure, and support, children with ADHD can learn the tools they need to thrive — and parents can feel more confident and connected along the way.
If you’re parenting a child with ADHD and looking for support, counselling can help. Together, we can build strategies that strengthen executive functions, reduce stress, and bring more calm into your home.
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